21:40 & 19.07.03
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

I am really sad tonight. The world just seems to be getting smaller and smaller and I am spinning in an endless abyss. I feel like I'm the only one who completely understands myself. I don't think anyone understands how loneliness can overtake someone so completely. No one understands what's it like to be me...to see a man who I want to take as my own, and to know that all he cares about is a woman to take as his own. I have developed a crush on too many people here and it's caused me to withdraw from a lot of things. I can barely talk to him because I get all shy and all he ever wants to talk about is how badly he wants to get laid.

It reminds me of my ex so much and that's what sux about it all. I look at him and I see Chad. I keep dreaming about him and they are some of the most romantic dreams I have ever had in the longest time.

Matt might be coming to visit me since we patched everything up. I know he doesn't think of me as more than a friend but I will ask him the favor of just cuddling with me one night. I just want someone beside me. I don't know how else to put it anymore, I've given up on the fact that I am going to get any kind of love anytime soon. What am I supposed to do with all these blues?

Why when we feel like this do we want to be alone? I'm sitting here whining about my life and yet I'm doing nothing in my power to change it. I just want to sit here in my misery and hope that the days will get better.

I just keep thinking of Hawaii and when I will finally get my own room, I will finally be able to be myself in a way. I am going to a gay club as soon as I get there and watch me see someone there I know there that IS Air Force. That will be hilarious!!

forget the past <----> there is no future