04:00 & 28.09.03
Taking my last breath...

Sometimes I don't even know why I bother going to the club, but then again, if I didn't go to the club, what else is there to do around here? I'm becoming a stereotype and I don't know if I necessarily like that. I find myself just constantly checking out guys at the club, finding which one I could possibly hook up with or get a number or just possibly connect with. It's mostly looking for someone to FUCK to put it in lamen's terms. I sit there and say that I don't want to play games, but here lately I find myself wanting to play games with someone and if you think about it, I kind of played a game with Will even though I didn't mean to.

There is one guy at the club that I am actually very interested in, but it just seems to be going nowhere. I see him every time and I go and we flirt constantly, but he's always hanging out with other people and he's very popular at the club. Everyone seems to know him and he hardly ever sits down and talks to me. He also seems like the type that just fools around anywayz and doesn't really take anything seriously. In a way, I guess I kind of need that right now since I'm leaving in a month. I dunno what I want sometimes!!

It would be nice to find someone to completely connect with while I'm here and just be with them till I have to leave. It would be a dream just to have a good month and be happy with someone for once. I can't believe I thought I would find that in someone like Josh or Will...

Speaking of Josh; why do I still let him affect me so? It sickened me to see these two guys follow him around like lost little puppy dogs. He's probably hooking up with one of them as we speak. Someone that I was interested in last weekend and Justin told him I thought he was cute and he just kinda shrugged it off and said, "OK." I should have known Josh would grab ahold of him first and take him as his prize. Now he's going to be Josh's sloppy seconds. It also pisses me off that Josh told me specifically that he didn't want to hang all over me at the club while we were together because he's not like that...yet he was ALL over this guy tonight and I saw them making out constantly. Josh even ended up taking his shirt off and of course all these other guys decided to follow. GRRRR!!! He was just walking around the club like he was hott shit. He invited me to a party at his house, but why would I want to see him all over this guy at his fucking house? I would just fucking sit there all lonely and watch my ex make out with some guy he just met that night.

No thanx, I think I'll pass. Actually, I told him I didn't feel like participating in an orgy tonight, but thanx anywayz for thinking of me.

He wasn't even going to say hello to me, but I was talking to some girl named Erika and just happened to mention him, so she went over to him and asked why he was ignoring me and that wasn't a very nice thing to do to such a cute boy, so he eventually caught me on the dance floor and said hello. Whatever. He craves attention so bad and I can't stand seeing him at the club anymore. He just stresses me out and I don't know why I should even care about his dumb ass.

So no booty, no phone number, no one approached me, but I did get checked out numerous times, but it seems everyone is just too damn shy to approach me. I must accept my fate and approach someone if I think they're cute. I'm here for a month so I have nothing to lose if they reject me. Maybe that should be my goal next weekend when I go.

One last thing before I go, I LOVE YOU DESI! If it wasn't for your kind spirit and bright smile and bubbly personality, I don't know what I would do on this base. I wouldn't be able to survive. You're so much fun to be with and you'll always be my dance partner. Why must you go to Alaska?! We should get married and we would go to Hawaii!!!!! I LOVE YOU!

forget the past <----> there is no future