12:07 & 27.09.03
With the sun's love, in the spring, becomes the rose...

I offended Scott yesterday because he thinks I talk about drinking too much. He's having a bad time and I want to know what happened, but he won't open up to me. He said little things were getting on his nerves yesterday and I was one of them. He doesn't want to see me get hurt and he doesn't understand why I drink every weekend and I always want to go out and party.

I don't really know how to explain it either. I don't know why I drink...it has just always been fun for me. I am one of these people that loves to forget my problems by drinking and going out and having some fun with my friends. I don't see the point in drowning in my own misery and feeling sorry for myself. That hasn't got anybody anywhere. I am not talking about drinking your sorrows away, but a drink every now and then never hurt anyone.

One main reason I drink and party every weekend is because I hate this base. I hate sitting in my room all the time, I was never the type to just stay in one spot. I never got tired of my own room at home, but here it just reminds me of what I don't have and I freakin hate this base so much that I get claustrophobic just sitting in my dorm room all the time. I get tired of looking at the same shit and sitting in the same chair and falling asleep on the same bed.

I love to leave this base on the weekends because I want to forget that I am even in the military. I just want to be a civilian on the weekends and not have to worry about our stupid rules and all that bullshit. That is one reason why I'm not doing Recruiter's Assistance when I get home. When I take leave and go home for my 18 days, I don't want to be reminded that I'm in the military. I want to go home and be myself for once. I want to just chill with my friends and family and just forget about all my troubles of military life. I can go out and be free for once!

I feel like sometimes I have this ball and chain attatched to me. I feel like I can't do certain things or this electrical pulse will shock me! Maybe they've planted a chip in my head when I wasn't looking and now I'm being controlled by the government.

I hope this will all get better once I reach Hawaii. I know I'm in the military and I chose this for myself, but who said it was wrong to have a little fun and who said it was wrong to just forget what you really do and just let go and have some fun?!

I guess I'll just have to wait and see. That's all I do nowadays...wait...Oh well, like the motto goes, "Hurry up and wait." That's the military for you!!

forget the past <----> there is no future