13:33 & 08.10.03
Who's gonna stop the rain?

So we all know the guy that kinda sorta screwed me over Saturday night. We had an awesome night together and then the next day he proceeds to tell me that it was just a one night thing and that he's interested in my EX of all people. Well...let's call this guy "J."

I like J. A LOT actually. We have been hanging out because I guess he is still somewhat interested in me. We haven't really done anything physical since that one night, but every time I see him I just want to lose myself. I want to kiss him, I want to hold him, I want to just BE with him, but I don't know how he feels about me. I don't know if he just looks at me as a friend or if something could possibly happen AGAIN because I would give anything to be intimate with him again. I guess he's still interested in Wes, but he sees me more. I mean, we are both in the Air Force and we're both on this base together. We've hung out during my lunch break and after I get out of class. It turns out he has an awesome personality and he is just tooo cute and toooo sweet sometimes.

He seems to like to hang out with me, but I'm just so confused. I get this weird feeling after I get done hanging out with him. I'm overcome with this feeling of loneliness and confusion wondering endlessly if he likes me the way I like him and wondering if we'll ever be able to spend a special moment together or if it is just a friendship that will come out of this. I really don't know and it's driving me crazy!!

I really really like this one and it sux cause he's leaving in two weeks. It saddens me because he has been on this base since June and we could have met so much sooner, but now that chance has passed us by. I always seem to meet people at the wrong place and the wrong time.

We're all going out this weekend probably and I have no clue what is going to come of it. He wants to have a party at someone's house and get wasted, and I mentioned Wes' house, but I'm afraid if we go over Wes' then J and Wes are gonna hook up and I'm going to have to witness that. I highly doubt though that Wes would be that cruel to rub that in my face. He knows I like J a lot...and maybe if he reads this he will know that J does mean a lot to me...

I just don't know what I mean to J and I'm kind of scared to ask him. I'm scared to get the results.

Who knows! I shouldn't be worried about some boy. I should be focused on my classes here and getting the hell off this base, but my personal life always seems to butt in at the wrong times.

I just get too lonely sometimes and I hate this feeling. I hate the feeling of NOT being with someone...

forget the past <----> there is no future