00:58 & 07.10.03
I still believe in a thing called forever...

Are we aware that I have a permanent hard on cause a guy that I have had a HUGE crush on ever since he got here gave me a hug today! We passed by him on the troop walk and he hugged my friend Tammy and she kinda jokingly looked to see if her boyfriend was around, so he just grabbed me around the waist and gave me a hug and said, "I'll just say I'm with him." Oooh it felt soooo good. I hugged him right back and ran my fingers up and down his back. It was sooo nice.

He came to the club with us Sat and he knows I'm gay now, but he's really cool about it. I hardly ever get to see him though so I'm hoping he comes to the club this weekend again. I want to know more about him, but I'm pretty sure he is straight. Scott is convinced he is at least somewhat curious, but I'm not going to judge. I thought my gaydar was perfect, but apparently many straight people act and dress gay here in Texas. It confuses me and now I can't trust my own instincts anymore!!

So I bet you're thinking I'm over that one guy that screwed me over...well...somewhat. I'm trying to get over the whole situation and just be his friend, but it's going to be hard. I'm such a whore that I told him I would be willing to fool around with him again if he wanted to, so who knows what's going to come of that. Wes and I are a lot better with it all. We talked last night cause he came on base. He is trying to understand, but I honestly think no one will be able to understand.

I do have a new crush though. I met him last night actually. I shall call him "Blue Mustang Guy." He is in the new B Shift class that joined us today and I got to see him again today. He is tooo cute and he's really nice too. He sat and talked with me last night while I smoked with Wes. He seems really cool and I hope to hang out with him more. I'm not for sure of his sexuality, but hey, I can get a cute friend out of it can't I?!

I leave here in six weeks, so I'm just wanting to have fun. I'm looking for no relationship and honestly I'm tired of looking. I'll let them come to me damnitt. Forget looking! I'm going to have my fun and enjoy this life for now. I'm working on it...

forget the past <----> there is no future