21:04 & 20.10.03
I had a dream you were dreaming of me...

I love it how people can make you feel so horrible for something you have no control over. Sometimes I am just so sick of typing out every single detail that happens in my life so that people can explain. This is MY diary Goddamnitt, so why should I explain myself all the time? All I know is that people can be very cruel at times and I'm not going to sit here and I say that I'm the innocent party, but people can turn on you at the drop of a dime.

Two friends of mine now officially hate me for something that I didn't necessarily do. One of them hates me because he went behind my back and made plans with MY boyfriend without even asking if I was OK with the plan. I happened to invite some friends with us and the way things worked out, the car would be full. I had intentions that day and he just decided to change them all without me being able to say yes or no on the subject. AND my boyfriend never really agreed on anything, he wanted to check with me first and so my friend just ASSumed he had it all worked out. He completely got an attitude with me that was so unlike him, so I really don't know what bug crawled up his ass, but I hope he gets it looked at. I guess cause he thinks cause he finally got some action, he's better than me or something. I have NO clue! We always argue over the stupidest things!

My other friend really has every right to hate me, but I didn't necessarily do anything on purpose. Here is what I said to him:

I never meant to intentionally hurt you and I didn't do this out of revenge. I just realized that *** is what I need right now and he's always been there for me even BEFORE you. You can try to make me feel guilty all you want, but we're both in the wrong on this one. If you so want to settle down with someone, maybe you should think about the decisions you make and how they affect other people. You screwed me over literally...and I'm still reeling from it. I'm sorry and I care about you and I want to be your friend, but if it makes you happier to hate me, then so be it.

So he thinks I fucked him over and he goes and brings things up just to make me feel that much guiltier. I had a scare this weekend because I found out a guy that I had unprotected sex with might be HIV Positive. I was soooo scared Friday night when I found out and everyone was there for me. This friend said that he was so scared for me and he wanted to hold me all night because he cares for me that much, but I remember two other people who WERE there for me and actually sat and talked with me about it. Now don't go freaking out on me cause he didn't get off inside me...in fact, he didn't get off at all...so I might be in the clear, but I'm getting tested ASAP. It takes about six months for it to show up, so I will wait. I'm not going to worry about something like that because that will bring me more down than it already has.

And YES I have a boyfriend now. Hehehe, I'm so happy!! It sux because I found what I'm looking for, but I have to leave soon. Oh well, I know we will keep in contact and I will think of him forever. I have these feelings that I haven't felt in a long time and it feels so good.

I leave the 29th and I am sooo excited. I cannot wait to just get away from all this drama. Why does drama always follow me? There are some people that I would stay here for, but only a certain few. I know that I joined the military for the reason and it was because I love to travel and I love meeting new people. This is a good thing for me.

forget the past <----> there is no future