14:15 & 15.01.04
I wanna make u holler

I have to go to Commander's Call today and I honestly feel that I shouldn't have to. First of all, it isn't even with MY squadron. It is an SP Commander's Call. I know here lately I have been working with the cops, but I am not A cop...I just kinda sit there with them all day. I don't really do their job, I didn't go to tech school to be a cop. I didn't select to be a cop when I signed up for the Air Force. I hate the fact that I'm pretty much apart of two squadrons so I have to follow both of their rules. I could be hanging out with my friends or sleeping, but NOOOO...I have to go some meeting that will probably drag on and on. I will be tempted to doze off.

Life has not gotten any better. I feel all the people I work with want nothing to do with me. I feel like this big child that they have to babysit. I'm not an official cop so I don't really belong there and honestly, I don't want to belong there. I want to start my real job. I didn't go to tech school for 6 months to sit out on a flightline with an M-16. That is NOT me!!

It just seemed like everything was going wrong today. I thought since Mike is going to go out and date other people while he's dating me, I would do the same thing. I called up this guy Jeff that I had talked to about a week ago and he had already forgotten who I was. He had to let me go cause he was at work. I was thinking some really bad thoughts today too while I was at work.

There is this guy who I have bumped into many times at the club and we have talked online. He's basically a big ho but he is one HOTT big ho. He is Puerto Rican and he is as fine as ever!! I know all he wants is to fool around and fuck...he doesn't have boyfriends...but something inside me today was telling me I should just go for it. Why beat em when I can just join em?? I'm tempted to e-mail him and ask him if he just wants to fool around because I just want to see what he's like in bed.

There is something that is stopping me and I am keeping that tiny little voice on standby because this type of behavior is the OLD me...I'm trying to change so desperately, but when you're a freakin cat surrounded by dogs...you kinda adapt to their lifestyle. All the guys I have met here lately just want sex or their dick sucked...so why don't I just have my fun with no consequences and no strings...

I wish Mike was here. I know if he was here, I would not be thinking these things. I think I'm just being like this because I'm trying to make him jealous.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I want a relationship but it just seems like I'm all by myself in that choice...relationships are a thing of the past...

forget the past <----> there is no future