11:42 & 19.01.04
Come into my world...

I'm done. I'm done going to the clubs. I'm done trying to meet people online. I think I'm just going to be a hermit in my room and shut myself out from the world. That way I won't be spending my money on useless things and I won't be getting hurt by people.

Trust me, I'm as sick of feeling sorry for myself as you are having to read this. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I do. I just wonder what it is about me and my personality that turns people away.

Mike and I had yet another argument yesterday. I guess I am just expecting too much from him. I ended up going over to his house, but it was very ackward. I felt like I wasn't wanted. He seems to have become better friends with Brandon and Jon than me. Kinda funny that he invited Brandon out with his friends...but he didn't invite me.

It hurts. It hurts when you want to give so much to someone and they could care less. Last night I slept on a cold floor alone while he slept in a bed with two of his guy friends. I wasn't even offered a blanket, but Brandon and Jon somehow got one. I know I was asleep, but you could have least placed it over me while I was asleep.

Whatever.

He doesn't like me. I know he doesn't. I've messed up once again, but I guess it's good that it ended this way...I found out firsthand that he's not the guy I want to be with. I kinda still want to be his friends but he has such close friends I feel intimidated. What if they don't accept me?

I miss the night we spent together in my room. I miss that feeling of being so happy to be with a sweet guy. It's like his whole personality just changed for the worse as soon as we hooked up. I should have known!! Grrr...I just want to crawl into bed and cry! I let temptation get the best of me and I get so attatched so easily. Why do I love tortuing myself??? Why can't I change??

Maybe I like the pain...

I wish I was happy again, but the one person that can make me happy wants nothing to do with me.

forget the past <----> there is no future