09:56 & 18.01.04
You can find me in da club...NOT!

I am DONE with the clubs. I don't even know why I waste my time anymore. Maybe I should start going to some of the straight clubs with my straight friends because that way I wouldn't be looking for a hookup and I wouldn't have to worry constantly how I look and why no one is hitting on me or why no one seems the least bit interested. It seemed the only person interested last night was Sergio...but then again, he was probably just looking for a fuck...which I would have been willing to give him last night because of my loneliness and my anger towards a certain someone.

Mike and I had our first official argument and we aren't even dating yet! YESS!! Do I know how to set records or what? He just feels that I'm expecting too much out of him too fast and quite honestly, maybe I am. I just really like him and what we did together actually meant something to me so I want to spend MORE time with him. He claims that he does want to get to know me better, but he's making no attempt at it. I understand he works, but I work more than him and I somehow have more free time than he does. He's constantly making plans and hanging out with these "other" friends that I have not met and I have no clue who they are. Aren't friends ALL supposed to hang out?? I mean, when we first met he got to meet two of my best friends, Jon and Brandon. Why can't I meet his friends? Is he scared to bring me around them? Or when he says "friends" is he really saying the guy that he is dating? Maybe he's just more interested in the guy he is casually dating than me. Maybe I was just some screw over because they had an argument or something. I dunno, I'm not going to even try to figure out what's up.

Last night I went out with some friends and we went and had some drinks at Tiki's Bar and Grill. Their Long Island's were WAY too strong, but I chugged two of them down anywayz. I also had two tequila shots while I was there too. I love going out with Renee and her friends because they're always willing to buy drinks. I had a Sex on the Beach, two Long Islands, and two tequila shots and all I paid was five dollars! That's a steal!

After that, a few friends and I went to this new gay club called Level 2. It's a straight club during the week, but on Saturdays it's gay night. They were having a white party so I went out yesterday and bought the cutest outfit! I was wearing a long sleeved all white dress shirt from American Eagle, a cross necklace that I have been wanting from Guess, some new shoes from Sketchers ((that were really really slippery!)), an Armani Exchange belt that is kinda too small, and white fuzzy Kangol hat! I was looking so cute!! Half of the reason I wanted to go to this new club was just to look cute and be with my friends.

But that's not how it turned out. As soon as I walked in, it was like I was transported into another world. I was checking out everyone and see what guy I would be lucky enough to go home with. I seriously need to STOP thinking like that. I met up with Sergio and I bought him a drink. He looked adorable as always. We talked for a bit. This navy guy who has told me he was interested in me was all over Sergio last night and all my friends were saying I looked like him! I DO NOT look like him!! If I was that ugly, please shoot me now! I am so much cuter than he is! Well I think Sergio just left without saying goodbye cause I went out on the dance floor with Jon and the next thing I knew, he was gone. Oh well...his loss...

So I did two more tequila shots at Level 2 and I started to get all depressed. No one was approaching me and all I could see were this muscular bodies all around. I am SOOOO sick of the gay stereotype. You women think YOU have it bad?? How about seeing all these HOTT guys with pecs and six packs everywhere and you have to look like them just to be accepted. I admit that I have a nice body, but it's not as cut as I want it to be and I want to be more muscular. I have a swimmer's body...very lean. All these hott guys and I just felt like the ugly duckling. So I demanded to leave.

The only good thing that happened last night was that my friend Bobby spent the night with me. He knew I was sad and it was hard to explain to him why I was acting that way, but he crashed in my room and we cuddled in my bed. It was so nice. I haven't cuddled with someone and actually had someone spend the night in such a long time. We kissed too, but it was just cause I wanted to test out his lips cause has very nice lips. We are just friends and I'm still not for sure if I'm interested in him. I want to get to know more about him and who knows, he could be my knight in shining armor. I just know he is a very sweet guy and I thanked him for spending the night. Not many friends would do that for each other. It was just nice to know I can count on him and the cuddling was awesome!!

Wow this was a long ass entry. Sorry if I bored anyone. :-)

forget the past <----> there is no future