17:36 & 02.07.03
Underneath the disco light, everybody's feelin alright!

I have a feeling I'm going to be very lonely these next four days. My roommate is going to be in Abilene getting married and spending time with his fiancee, my friend Rich is ALSO going to Abilene where he is going to propose to his girlfriend. My friend Josh has a car, but he has pretty much promised everyone a ride...everyone but me that is. He's more of my roommate's friend, so I feel rude asking him to take me places. He's a cool guy, but there's this whole ackwardness going on cause he's VERY straight. I typically don't hang out with guys of his stature. I can't ever really joke around with him like I wish I could because half of his jokes aren't even funny to me. This hanging out with ALL guys is kinda weird...I'm not used to it! I wonder what they think of me and so I kind of change my behavior around them as to not stick out like a sore thumb.

I know that Tammy and I would never work out, but I still get majorly jealous when I see her flirt with other guys. ESPECIALLY the guy that she likes. He acts like he could care less about her sometimes and I see her throwing herself all over him and it makes me sad. He was the first person she ran to today in class and it made me so jealous because I wanted her to come and talk to me. I enjoy her attention and it doesn't hurt either to have a beautiful girl like her flirt with you. I playfully acted like I was mad at her and she laughed at me. I shocked myself because I was halfway mad at her. I don't know what she sees in him and I want her all to myself...but I know that a relationship wouldn't work out...but she's just so irrestible...and nice, and sweet, and beautiful. GRRR!! I don't know what I want anymore!

I think I'm just a horny bastard. It's been since MARCH! And honestly...it wasn't that good, LOL! I want me some good full out S E X! I could honestly care less if it was with a guy or a girl. Preferably a guy, but hey, I'm not picky!!

I'm also very self concious about myself. I feel ugly all the time, so even if I found someone to do it with me, I wouldn't get all into it if I actually felt somewhat sexy or attractive. Grrrr!!!

Random AIM Moment:

Him: go get laid

Me: HOW?!

Him: arnt there alot of gay guyes in the air force

Me: yeah, they just have it written all over their forehead!

Me: we go around announcing our sexuality here

Me: **that was sarcasm

forget the past <----> there is no future