10:22 & 05.07.03
Is this God's experiment?

I had a dream about my friend Mike. Normally this does not happen. I haven't had a good dream about another guy in a long time. This was a good dream! Don't turn on your dirty mind and think I'm talking about a WET dream, because I'm not! It was a nice, sweet, romantic dream about two guys that like each other a lot. It was TOO nice of a dream and TOO real of a dream. It was like I was right there and I could feel his arms around me. I could feel the touch of his skin on me. I could feel his lips touching mine. This freakin dream had surround sound for Christ's sake!!

This dream saddens me because it pretty much made me realize what I'm missing by not having anyone. It also made me realize that I am gay and being with a girl wouldn't make me as happy as I could be if I was with a guy. Guy's feel right. I like to be held. I like strong arms around me. I don't know what I'm going to do having this yearning and this loneliness take me over. This dream has just left me sad and hollow. Now I'm probably going to be all mopey all day. I promised some peeps I'll get drunk...I don't know if they want to see a depressed drunk, because I know that part of me will come out tonight if I DO get drunk.

Speaking of getting drunk, my goal is almost complete!! I got drunk Wednesday night, Thursday night we all went out to Chili's and I had two Jamacian Paradises and two shots of Hot Damn!! I was feeling good the rest of the night. I stayed up and watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days cause I bought it on DVD. I had a busy day Thursday too. I picked up the rental car for my friend Rich and drove them to the airport to pick up his NOW fiancee!! He got down on one knee and proposed to her in the airport. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen, so of course I took pictures! I wanted to capture that moment that he let me be apart of. He's become a really good friend and I just found out he's going to be my new roommate when my old one moves out!! I'm excited because I get to spend more time with him. He is a really cool guy and I'm glad we got to be friends.

THEN after all that shit was done, I went out with a bunch of friends and began to randomly spend my paycheck at the mall. I bought so many things at Old Navy, I forgot how much I missed that store!! I got me a cute camo shirt that says "Ha! Now you can't see me!" I love the irony! Walking around an Air Force base in a camo shirt! I'm horrible because it's kind of like a jab to the military.

So my paycheck is pretty much GONE because I bought clothes, CD's, and an Xbox game. I'm horrible, I know!

THEN last night my friends Matt and Lui convinced me to go get drunk with them. I did two shots of Goldschlager ((I have no clue how to spell that.)) and the rest of the night I had Miller High Life...the best beer in the world!! We got drunk and watched Goldmember and took random pictures. ((I supplied the camera.)) I also noticed that straight men get VERY cozy with each other when they're drunk. I guess it is true that we're all very curious about our sexuality. Your honest feelings come out when you're drunk. I'm not saying everyone out there is gay because I want them to be, I'm just saying that everyone is somewhat curious and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that...just don't judge us because of what we are. Don't become homophobic because you don't want to admit to yourself that you've thought about it.

I don't know what I'm doing today. I have to eat me some breakfast and fold some laundry. I think I may watch a few episodes of Buffy too.

Have a nice day and while you're at it, have a smoke and a pancake!

A what?

You know, a smoke and a pancake? Flapjack and a cigarette? Cigar and a waffle? Pipe and crepe? Bong and a blitz?

No thank you.

Well then, there is no pleasing you Austin Powers!

forget the past <----> there is no future