19:56 & 05.08.03
Sipping Bailey's Cream by the stereo...

I'm so tired of this fucking base. I'm tired of being bored all the time. I'm tired of being fake around my friends because I can't truly be myself. I can't stand it that there are probably so many homosexuals here, but we're all too afraid to reveal our true selves. It sucks a whole lot. I've pretty much run out of words to explain my sorrow. It seems all I do is whine about a path that I chose to take in my life. A path that I thought would make me happier and make me realize what I wanted in my life. I still don't know after all this time what I want to do with my life. All I see a big blur when I think of the future. I know I always told myself that I would live each day as it came and not worry about the future...that fate would take over and I would do everything in my power to make sure I had a happy life. It's hard to have a happy life when you're depressed and feel sorry for yourself all the time. I miss my friends, I miss my family, my God I even miss Kentucky. I never thought those words would ever escape my vocabulary, but they did. I miss the little things about home. I miss just working for a living. I'm so much more lazy here and a lot of people wouldn't complain, but it just doesn't seem right. I wish I was already starting my job in the military. Why does it take so damn long for them to train me? Why do they have to be cock suckers about everything? Why do they try to restrict us from escaping the stresses of every day life and put us in a place that is like jail sometimes.

I found out today that I may be in a whole shitload of trouble for what happened over the weekend. I thought it had finally all blown over, but then it just smacks me in the face today. My friend Chris confessed to drinking underage and now we might be held responsible because we were around him while he was drinking and we were of age. I NEVER saw him with a drink and that is the honest truth. I knew he has drank on occasion, but on Saturday night I never recalled him having a drink in his hand. He got in a lot of trouble. He is no longer a student leader, he got phased back for 14 days, his security clearance was suspended and he has to attend RMT which is like Basic Training all over again for one weekend.

I feel so bad for him. They teach us integrity here and look where it gets you. That's why I find myself having none. I am so sick of this base and the military period is starting to piss me off.

Don't be like me.

Make the best of anything that happens. Don't listen to people when they tell you how much something sucks because you'll start to believe them and you'll just sink. If you keep saying you hate something, you'll eventually hate it with a passion and just become a hollow shell of a person like me.

I wish my Kimmie was here. She helps me forget all the little things that seem to pile up into big things.

I wish I could crawl into a hole with my laptop and my DVD collection cause right now they are the only things that make me happy. This place just isn't cutting it for me anymore.

forget the past <----> there is no future