12:38 & 14.01.04
If you really need me, baby just reach out and touch me...

Why am I such a fool for love? Why do I get attatched to a certain person after just ONE special night? Why do I think about that person constantly and I can't wait until the next time that I see them? I feel obsessive or something even though I try not to be. It's like I'm so obsessed with finding love and finding someone to call my own that I attatch to the first person that I seem to have the most in common with. I attatch myself to the first person that actually wants to spend time with me and seems interested in what I have to offer. I'm not used to taking things slow and I'm not used to casual dating. Maybe I should be used to taking things slow because half of my relationships ended quickly because we rushed into something that we shouldn't have. I feel something for someone and I'm not sure how he feels about me. I don't even know if he feels anything for me...yet. He's all about taking it slow and seeing where it will go...but I guess I'm wanting it to go somewhere quickly!

My mind doesn't process like many gay people. When I meet someone and we hook up, I automatically have to place them into a category. That's how my brain works! We're either: a.) Talking b.) Dating c.) Going out ((Boyfriends))

For some reason, there seems to be no in between for me!

So I kind of got the "talk" today from Mike. He told me that we are just friends and we are taking it slow. It is nothing official yet, he enjoys my company and that's pretty much it. My heart sunk as I realized that maybe Mike isn't the person that I thought he was. Maybe he really does want to take it slow...but then again, if he wanted to take things slow, why did we do what we did Tuesday?? I say that was kind of rushing it if you ask me. I don't regret what we done, but I just don't want that to be the last time we do something like that and I want to be the ONLY person he does that stuff with...but I'm starting to think I'm not...

He said he was going out to dinner with someone today and I got a pinch of jealousy. How stupid is that? Mike and I are just friends according to him so he is allowed to see whomever he wants, so why do I get jealous?

Why do people play games? Why do gay men have such a hard time deciding what they want? Am I just a guy on Mike's endless list that he may choose from? Am I destined to be a runner up yet again...I don't want to compete with ANYONE for his attention and affection.

I've had it.

I'm done with games.

I'm going to play this thing by ear, but if any other cute and available guy wants my time, I'm not going to hestitate and I WILL enjoy myself. I guess I shouldn't consider myself only with Mike until he says the words. I'm willing to wait I guess. He seems worth it. I just hope he doesn't go through every guy on the island before he returns to me. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be...

forget the past <----> there is no future