18:12 & 22.01.04
Make it happen

Today was a hectic day. I woke up and I found out from my friend Jon that my service from AT&T had been shut off. They turned off my damn cell phone! Fuck them! I'm not going to pay hundreds of dollars a month just to keep a Kentucky number. I'm planning to be in Hawaii for almost 8 years, so they can kiss my ass. I still need to call them and tell them I am DONE with their service!

I started freaking out cause I have no money right now and I needed to get a new cell phone FAST! There's this really cute guy named Patrick that I want to hang out with and he wouldn't have been able to call me. Speaking of which, I still need to call him and give him my new number...hmm...anywayz! I decided to get a new cell phone and see about paying it all later when they bill me. I know most places do that. We went to the first phone place which was Sprint. They set me up with a nifty little camera phone and all I had to do was dish out $50 and they would bill me later. I have heard good things and bad things about Sprint...so I hope it all works out for the better! I get free internet on my phone for 2 months, so that's a good deal. I get free international long distance as well. Woo hoo!

So now I have a new phone and it's a Hawaiin number. I'm feeling more and more like I belong here. I just need a car now and I'll be complete!

Well after that whole mess...Mike decides to call Jon while I'M in the car and invite JON out to some re-enlistment dinner with some friends tomorrow. Yeah...how do u think I felt?? He called JON, but didn't bother to even call me. He didn't even mention it to me when we talked online today. Wow he's really trying to be my friend huh?

It's funny because Brandon and Jon don't understand what he did to me. They choose to take his side and say I was obsessive and I was getting too attatched too quickly. They don't understand how he led me on. All my girl friends on base completely understand and they told me that he's an asshole and I should ditch the loser for good...I shouldn't even be his friend. I was talking to him online one day when Tammy was in the room and she just rolled her eyes as she was reading the conversation, "Just tell him to fuck off. Look at him, he's treating you like a piece of shit and you keep talking to him!" She made me feel better. :-)

Some of my girl friends also brought up the fact that Brandon and Jon should NOT ditch me to go hang out with Mike and his friends. If they were true friends, they would hang out with me and stick with me. They wouldn't leave me for some boi.

Mike keeps saying he needs time before we hang out again, but yet he goes and pulls this shit. He invites Brandon and Jon out to do stuff when he knows damn well that we are the best of friends and I'm going to hear about it.

Did you know I wasn't even informed of a birthday dinner at Cheesecake Factory on the 2nd of February...?? It's Mike's birthday too! He has NOT mentioned this to me once.

Oh well, I'm done caring. I'm done looking like the fool here when I know I'm not. I'm done trying to defend myself. If Brandon and Jon wanna go out with him, they can go right ahead. I have plenty of friends that understand what I'm going through. Maybe with time Mike will return and understand what he did wrong and we could start over again AS friends. None of this fooling around shit again. I'm done with that.

I am trying to change, but it seems I'm all by myself in this change. I really have no support from anyone. I'm always alone in my decisions these days. I'm always alone in my own defense here lately too.

I wish I had money.

I wish I had a car.

I wish I had a love life.

Geez...I'm pathetic!

forget the past <----> there is no future