20:57 & 24.01.04
I can make it through the rain...

Last night was a big breaking point for me. I'm pretty sure I hit rock bottom and now there's nowhere to go but up! I woke up today feeling so hungover, but I realized that I shouldn't let the stupid things in life get me down. I am a very attractive person and anyone would be lucky enough to have me in their life. Some people just have their own type and if I'm not their type than that's perfectly fine.

I got down on myself last night because someone thought my friend JR was cute...but not a word was mentioned about me...that was just ONE stupid thing that pissed me off last night in my drunken stupor.

I opened my mouth about Mike again and it just exploded into a huge argument. It was such a huge argument that we had to pull over the car while five guys were all yelling and screaming at each other. It was nuts!! My peace was spoken and I shut up...no more mentioning Mike anymore when I'm around his friends. They can be his friend all they want...I'm not his friend nor will I think I ever will be his friend again. He hurt me in ways not everyone understands.

I got really really drunk last night. 99 Bananas are the devil and I had forgotten how addicted I was to that shit! I had to make myself throw up because my stomach would not stop hurting.

The crowning moment of the night was when I got all pissed cause my friend JR didn't want to spend the night with me. JR is just in town this weekend because his sub is in port gathering supplies and then he's going to be gone for almost 6 months!! I realized yesterday when he called me to hang out that he is the one I have been interested in all along. JR is a sweet guy and we have started out as friends...but I hope one day it can be something more. He has NO clue that I'm intersted in him, but he will know by tomorrow. I'm going to ask him if he wants to go out to dinner when he gets back from his trip...just me and him.

We were both being all flirty last night with each other and it was really sweet. It was nice to laugh with someone and hold them and touch them.

Last night I almost cried because of the beauty of Hawaii. We went to this beach and JR dragged me off into this little opening between these bushes. He sat me down and we looked up and we could see EVERY star in the sky. It was so beautiful. I feel like crying just thinking about it now. I was in one of the most beautiful places with one of the most beautiful people and I was happy. JR makes me happy. We sat there and cuddled and just looked at the stars. It was so nice...words cannot explain. He pointed all these stars and that's when I realized how much I was obsessed with astrology when I was younger. I'm thinking about possibly majoring in astrology or at least taking a class in it.

I hope things get better from here...maybe that rainbow is finally showing up after the storm.

forget the past <----> there is no future