23:44 & 27.01.04
Thanx for making me a fighter!

So when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up right? I wrote a list of goals that I hope to accomplish sooner or later. They are:

1.) Gain at least 20 pounds

2.) Work out at least 3 times a week

3.) Start eating more!

4.) Start making new friends and hanging out with old ones that I have been ditching to hang out with my gay friends

5.) Get a car

6.) See about getting Lasik surgery

7.) Get rid of this acne!

So far, so good. Yesterday I hung out with Figgy and we watched Sex and the City. I also got to see some of the third season of Queer as Folk which I have missed so much!! It was a lot of fun. Jon called me yesterday wanting to stop by, but I told him I was going to be busy all night and I would call him if I wasn't...I never called him.

I am cutting off Brandon and Jon for now. I am focusing on me and feeling better about myself because if I feel better about myself, then people will want to hang out with me. I let Brandon and Jon walk all over me and it's not going to happen anymore. I am realizing who my real friends are and hopefully they are my real friends...I just need this break from them and a lot of my gay friends to see if they really ARE my true friends. It's been almost an official week since I have heard from Mike. I still hear about him, but I haven't had a phone call, an e-mail, or an IM here at all. It's really funny how he says he wants to be my friend. He doesn't, I just don't understand why he doesn't have the balls to tell me he doesn't.

JR called me yesterday though and it made me happy. It made me realize that maybe he does think of me every now and then. He just wanted to tell me goodbye and to stop worrying about the stupid shit. I'm going to miss him a lot and I told him that I better be the first person he calls when he comes back to port. He said I would...he better not even THINK about calling Mike first!! Grrrr.

Well things are going a lot better. I'm learning to smile more because there's no reason for me to be down. I am done with the bullshit for good.

I'm going to bed now cause I have a PT evalutation tomorrow at 0730! Woo hoo!

forget the past <----> there is no future