12:09 & 03.03.04
Welcome to my filthy mind...

Well last night was...interesting to say the least. Last night was Matt's 24th Birthday and somehow his roommate convinced me to go. Matt and I haven't spoken in forever and last night was the first time I had seen him in probably over a month. It was pretty weird, but we are working on a friendship so I might as well go to wish him a happy birthday. At first I wasn't going to go because it was his day and I didn't want him feeling ackward or uncomfortable with me being there, but his roommate asked him and he told me to just come on over, he was cool with it.

At first the party was VERY boring and I pretty much wanted to leave as soon as I got there. I got all happpy for some strange reason because I sat and watched Matt and I saw the way he acted and talked with his friends and I realized that I am SOOOOO over him. I don't even know what I saw in him! All he does is talk about the Navy, cute boys, and how he is a big player and gets laid all the time...or TALKS about getting laid all the time. I think it's mostly talk. He thinks he has game, but he really doesn't. But I just think it's funny when he swears up and down that he's not a slut, but his actions and words make him seem like one. I'm only 21 and I felt like the most mature person there. After watching some of the antics last night with his friends...I have come to the conclusion that I think he really does have "Fuck Buddies." I'm sorry, but he just seemed a little TOO close to some of his friends last night.

Well I was bitching and moaning to myself when I first got there cause I was bored. All they were doing was sitting around and watching A Bug's Life. Well...soon enough the alcohol started rolling and I started drinking! Things lightened up from there and I had a lot of fun last night. The only thing that kinda sucked was everyone was paying attention to this supposed "straight" guy and it seemed everyone wanted to hook up with him last night. I got a pinch of jealousy cause it just seemed that no one was paying attention to me. This guy Victor caught my eye and we sat out on the porch and talked and he seems like a really nice guy. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders and he seemed to understand my point of view on some things. He was all obsessed with the straight guy too last night, but in a round about way I told him I was interested in him and he said he was somewhat interested in me but he didn't know what he wanted.

So...it was really ackward because just out of the blue in front of EVERYONE Victor just speaks up and says, "Hey, do u want to hook up with me?" I just smiled and said yeah and he said that he thinks I'm cute, but we're not hooking up cause I'm not his type. It was just REALLY weird and embarassing because it was really random and in front of everyone.

I got kinda lonely by the end of the night. I called my OTHER friend Matt from Cali and I cried to him over the phone. I wish he was here...I barely even know him, but I feel we have this connection and there's just something about him. I could talk to this guy forever...

I hate being lonely sometimes...

forget the past <----> there is no future