12:50 & 08.04.04
Yeah, right, whatever

I could be hanging out with my friend Mike today, but I woke up today and there was gunk around my right eye and it is all swollen and bloodshot. It's really sensetive to light too and it just wants to shut. My nose is also stuffy and my ears kinda hurt. I don't know if this is just one BIG sinus infection, but why now?! Why on my day off?! I could be at the beach right now, but NOOOOOO!

So I decided that I still want to talk to Peter and I still love him and care about him, but I just don't want the "boyfriend" title above our heads. I just can't deal with a long distance relationship right now. I need to be more realistic about it all and realize that MAYBE there is a guy that lives HERE that is willing to love me. When my tour is over, I DO want to go to Cali and be with Peter because he makes me so happy. He's very upset over my decision, but I am done trying to explain. I'm not wanting to hook up with guys left and right, I probably won't even sleep with anyone, but what I am saying is that I don't want to BLOCK off guys when they actually come into my life. I don't want to put up that wall and say "I have a boyfriend." because it just seems crazy to shut myself off from a guy who may want to get to know me more because of a guy in California that I haven't even MET yet!

I want to wait until Peter gets here in June to figure out what I want. I can actually have him here with me and we can make our decision from there. It just kind of pisses me off that he's not willing to come live here in Hawaii when he knows that he could. I would sacrifice everything to be with him...but he's not willing to do the same? He's being very selfish.

forget the past <----> there is no future